The Long Haul
I have no idea why I have called the blog by that name – there is a fair bit of prevaricating going on here, so if you want you can jump to the important bits below in RED.
I need to write this one in stages it will have to be stream of consciousness then possibly re orderring I am not sure I can write it chronologically.
Unless I do it backwards, from Today, like a reverse diary without dates,
Today in June 2020, bit vague but it might get vaguer, is that even a word?
I am an advocate of Daily Pages, haven’t done them for a while but today I am setting out on what for me is a mammoth project and hopefully will be cathartic, the only way I can get my head around the enormity of the task is to allow it to unfold, stream of consciousness like, please bear with me, I may ramble but hopefully together we will get there in the end.
Tuesday 30th June 2020
Well that was last Wednesday, and as you can see I have only just resumed, a lot can happen in a very short space of time.
I still have no clear idea where to start so I am just going to go with the flow and hope I don’t manage to prevaricate too much.
And there I go prevaricating already.
In June 2018 I was admitted to A & E with Pneumonia and Heart Failure, several miracles led to me being outside the department when I keeled over unable to breathe, I was treated within minutes but still managed to lose consciousness and stop breathing for a while, during that ‘space’ although as far as I know my heart did not stop, at least they didn’t try to restart it so I am assuming it didn’t stop or if it did only momentarily and then restarted of its own volition. My experience during that brief out of body time is what I need to relay here. For a few moments I was aware of being outside of my body, and possibly ascending but not in any visual way; there was only totally darkness but amazing clarity, which sounds like a contradiction, but the clarity was sensory and auditory, not visual. There was no bright white light or tunnel. I was aware of every other being in the room both incarnate and disincarnate. I was aware of the thought processes of all the incarnate beings, and able to follow every conversation around the room simultaneously, it was incredible, and felt totally natural to be able to do that. I was able to tell those in the room what they had been discussing (almost exclusively ME) and one or two what they had been thinking. The only other sensation I recall was of being totally pain free, liberated and an overwhelming sense of tranquility. I could easily have stayed there or moved on as I was aware that was an option. BUT, just prior to this interlude, Simon, had been asking me about my family, my last thought before I passed out was of Katie, my granddaughter. During the interlude I could ‘hear’ Simon thinking and saying to me something along the lines of stay focussed on your family, they need you, and at that moment I knew I had to return to my body and fight for my life because I wanted to be alive to see Katie graduate, and I had sense that she was going to need me to be there for her.
I still have no idea why I called this the long haul, although it has been ever since this event. Recovery took a long time, a lot of determination and pain. Many relapses of one sort or another and it is still an ongoing process, but in the meantime my daughters and granddaughter have needed my presence, my physical and emotional support and love.
To remain in this physical body long enough to see Katie graduate, if indeed that is the path she chooses to follow; I am going to need to take some drastic action to remain well enough to be of service.
One of the most positive aspects of this whole experience is that I no longer fear death, I know it is just a transition from one state of being to another. I also know that for me it is going to be a lot less challenging than remaining in a physical body. I am writing this because I want to reassure people that death is not to be feared, and you create your own reality, so begin now to imagine a state of being that is blissful, pain free and filled with peace.
I suspect there will be a follow up to this, but for now here it is.
Angels I have fulfilled this part of my promise, please help me to be healthy from now on so that I do not have to repeat this experience.
felt totally natural to be able to do that. I was able to tell those in the room